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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Julia: Bigglewhitz.

Riveting post, my dear Sage (feel free to imagine this statement in a British accent--I said it in one). I feel compelled to add one thing; stress one point, if you will. Since Sage and Julia met... years and years ago ; )... we have spent nary a day apart. The same goes for Rebeccavich Evanovich. There was that one incident, "Puerto Rico," (still sensitive to mention) and we all know that the effects of this were... near fatal. This is precisely the Julia-withdrawal that Sage mentioned below. We almost didn't make it.

The problem, you see, is that the three of us, we are very strange. Strange and unusual. It takes special people to tolerate our shared company. Very special people, indeed. We almost can't stand ourselves, is the truth. So anyway, it is by the Grace of God that we found each other. And without Sage's person, without Rebecca's person, Julia isn't just one-third of a person... she's one-third of an incredibly obnoxious and psychotic person.

Please applaud my up-and-coming loneliness. I wouldn't even be friends with me.

Who knows, maybe I'll lose the few dwindling threads that tether me to any modicum of sanity. Probably I will.

I don't need them anyway. I hardly make use of them as it is.
Jane and Montgomery make sure of that.


Or maybe Julio.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Sage: [enter IC girl here] Withdrawal

Hello readers! It has been far too long! I know, I have missed you as well.
However, it is Julia whom one should worry for. I fear she shall not make it through the week ahead. You see, Saturday is the last day either of us shall see Revs (she leaves for camp) until the school year begins once again. It shall be hard enough to make it through the summer without her *tear*, but for Julia, this coming week will be hell, itself, for I leave Sunday morning to Fordham University in the city for ten days. I should expect her to spend unrelenting hours at her desk. I expect several new blogs, and I am sure to return to innumerable facebook wall posts, bumperstickers, and phone messages.

Regrettably, both Revs and I have already experienced what is known as “Julia-withdrawal,” and it is about time that the tables were turned. It is a difficult and painful process. Hours seem as long as days, and weeks as months. Rebecca and I braved the process, but I fear Julia has underestimated the effects of “Sage/Revs-withdrawal.”

I know most of you are sitting here thinking ‘It’s only ten days…’ Well, you simply do not understand… As Julia explained below, any one of us three is completely useless on her own. I mean, a third of a person could not be very valuable, could it? There is very little we are capable of as individuals. You know what they say, “united we stand, divided we fall.” United we… survive? Yea, that sounds about right.

So, please, keep Julia in your prayers. The poor girl needs all the help she can lay her hands on to begin with. And, as for IC withdrawal, we pray it is an experience none of you have to suffer throughout your lives.

In Conclusion - :p

P.S. Another prayer request: Please keep our dear Robert in your thoughts, for he is one of the few who suffer from IC withdrawal on a semi-daily basis. We love you Rob<3

Julia: The Burden You Carry (As My Friend)

Okay, so following this Sunday, I am going to be alone FOR TEN DAYS. Some people might say that Julia Venditti is one-third of a person; that Sage DosSantos is one-third of a person; that Rebecca Evans is one-third of an actual person. Alone, none of us is worth very much. Personally, I rather live my life at their sides; and with them at mine. I prefer not to go very long periods of time without seeing these girls. Some people might call this the art of “best friend-ship.” I think that this is more than appropriate given the significant portion of my time allocated towards them; and happily so. I love them. They really came to me as angels this year.

If I’m being honest, had they not come into my life some eight (8) months ago, I might not still be here… on this earth… with all of you. They aren’t just best friends; they aren’t just family; they are my life… and not in the trivial teenage sense. These girls could trash my stuff, hurt me physically and emotionally, and try to push me away the hardest they can, but it will never work. They are so stuck with me.

The burden of saving a girl’s life: she’ll never let you go.
I just hope they never want me to.


PS. To be fair, a certain 'Robert' (AKA the love of my life) has also helped so incredibly to salvage my life. This blog just focuses on the up-and-coming absense of these girls in my life for ten days on Sage's behalf and, as for Revsicles, the whole fucking summer.

PPS. Shoot me? Thanks.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Julia: The Woes of CDO

What is CDO? It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be.

I like when things repeat in patterns. Am I the only one?

Rising order, descending order, symmetrically, or even in defined increments. All fine.

What ‘things’ am I speaking of that must repeat as such, you ask? Anything, I answer. Shapes, objects, numbers, people.
Yes. To answer your inevitable question, people can, in fact, repeat in patterns.
If you neither understand nor empathize with this situation, then congratulations, you don’t have OCD.

Nevertheless, I will elaborate. Come along with me; come upon this ride of example.
I am a girl scout (HA, fucking HA—I’m getting into a good college) and recently embarked upon the gold award mission. The number our troop (yes, there are more of us) was originally assigned was 2881. This number gives me the chills just writing it. Yes, we’ve established that I am insane. So anyway, I could not, would not have this absolute travesty of a number, 2881 *heebie jeebies occur*, continue to… be. What I see when I look at this number is—even, middle, middle, odd—I tilt my head due to the asymmetrical imbalance of it all.

FYI – Our number is now 2884. This is acceptable. Although 2882 would have been orgasmic, 2884 is acceptable.

That is all.



Monday, June 2, 2008

Sage: What makes Julia Venditti tick?

Welcome, one and all, to the one-time only, in depth tour of the elaborate inner workings of Julia Venditti's frightening mind - Make no mistake, what you are about to see will astound and amaze you. Things you will witness on this tour may seem nonsensical and will most likely have no comprehensible value whatsoever.

My name is Sage DosSantos, and I will be your tour guide for this evening. Please keep all appendages inside the vehicle at all times, as chains and other restraints have proven unreliable.

The only reliable, physical restriction one will see on this tour, can be found just around this turn. On your left, you will see a grouping of fairly large-sized steel boxes or crates. Inside these boxes are well, put simply, people. These people include: myself, Rebecca Evans, several of Julia's family members, several 'prospects' (who will not be named for confidentiality reasons), and many others. Unfortunately for them, those boxes will never be opened.

Moving on! Oh! Watch your heads! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that was a flying monkey, one of several you will see throughout the night. In fact, I believe we just got a new shipment this morning! I heard the young man in the back mention something about this impeccable darkness. Well, Julia never was that bright of a girl, so one cannot possibly expect her mind to be any different.

This, my friends, is where the snitch is kept. If we all stay perfectly quiet we may get a glimpse of this mystical creature. Look! There, you can spot a bit of a gold sheen and one of those gorgeous wings! If you look carefully. . .Oh! Damn those flying monkeys! Well, I'm happy enough we got to see it at all! Oh look here, we are coming up on the quidditch field, the last of our drop offs. I am going to be honest, I've been in here for quite a while, and I still don't quite understand the basics of the game. . . I know the bludgers are charmed to beat the living shit out of the players, the quaffle is the one that you shoot through the goal posts, and the seeker has to catch the snitch, which is an actual living creature. That's about all I know.

So, that is the end of our tour, please purchase something from our gift shop. But, before you leave, please take notice as to the complete lack of sanity in the events of this night. Perhaps, after your experiences here, your understanding of JK Venditti may have evolved and grown. Thank you and have a good night!!