Love: One of the three.

Hi.

You see that banner I've uploaded below the IC label that says 'Purpose for the Pain'?  Well, it's a journal by Renee Yoha and it's endorsed by To Write Love on Her Arms (twloha.com), which is an organization initiated in her name.  I haven't read it yet, but I intend to.  And although I have not yet read it, I have a pretty good idea as to what its content holds.  

We all have pain, some people in greater numbers.  And we all have our own ways of dealing with that pain.  But pain for pain's sake seems cruel and useless.  Only when you find a purpose for your pain, something that's worth all the bad, does your life take on a meaning.  If the pain is in a name or a cause or even a person then it's not pain to be regretted.  

I want that, too.  I want a purpose for my pain.  I feel all of this shit and I want it to make sense, for it to seem less cruel.  I think I need that to be able to go on.  Sometimes it just gets so hard and it seems too hard and I feel like I can't take it.  It's a task for me to get out of bed and face a day that I already know will defeat me.  And I feel dejected.  I want to make bad decisions and act in a self-destructive manner because for me, none of my pain makes any sense.  None of it does anyone any good, least of all me.  At these times I am my weakest.  At these times I am most vulnerable.

That was pretty much the extent of how my day went.  Another day defeated me and something told me that I'm in danger of slipping below the radar.  Oh, how I don't want that! No one wants that.

Love,

One of the three.

Julia: Firsts of My 16th Year!

Hey Party People,

Something special-like is happening this Friday... It's my BIRTHDAY! I am turning 17 and this marks the age I will be when I go to COLLEGE! That it's so nearly tangible is increasingly frightening.

A lot of firsts happened in my 16th year. December the 21st, I hung out with Sage Anne DosSantos for the first time. Sage, who cannot approach a person or even talk to them unless they initiate, was sitting in the Libs. I walked up to her because I knew that she was in my US History class, and asked her what the homework was (clearly I didn't know her because I now know that Sage doesn't even know what teachers she has because she uses class for sleeping, the slacker). She then told me that she had no idea. I assumed the chair next to her and just started gabbing away like a psycho to this random chick while she was trying to figure out the most polite way to get the hell away from me. We were not yet friends. But one day she invited me to her birthday gathering on a party bus. I was honored; little did I know she solely invited me because a couple of people bailed so she needed to invite more people. On the party bus, we formed a quick and effortless sort of friendship and went on to become the same person. Through Sage I met Rebecca, Christina, Rob, and almost everyone else whom I would include in my will. At the age of 16, I made true and life-long social connections; I met my friends whom are now something of a family.

One week exactly after I turned 16, I received my Learner's Permit. This was the beginning of Julia's newfound mobility. Ten months and three days after I turned 16, I passed my road test on my first shot. Twenty-two hours later, I got in my first accident. In my 16th year, I got 5 new peircings. It was also in my 16th year that I first used a fake ID.

When I was 16, I took my grandmother's credit card and went shopping online. I ran up a tab worth around $2,300. At 16, I finally paid my mother back for a Chanel bag I had bought in Paris in my 14th year that cost $1,280. This year was the brokest year of my life on record.

In September of my 16th year, I got my first car: a 2009 SE Jetta, silver with anthracite leather interior. In early October, I finished my college essay and for the first time realized just how directly the actions I take now can affect my long-term future in a big way. I laughed and celebrated leaving high school, I cried and mourned leaving high school. In preparation for my 17th year, I received a surprise birthday event from my friends. However, this was still during my 16th year and it is counted as a 16th year first. I have never had friends who really care about my approaching birthday, let alone throw me a surprise for it. It was among my greatest firsts.

And of course, my first blog!

A lot of other little things happened in my 16th year; to a select few, the words "Macy's," "No more than 6 garments...," and "funday," make a great deal of sense. While I cannot elaborate on them here, believe me, they were firsts.

And now I'm going to be 17. A whole new batch of firsts are cookin' up and they're scents are undeniable.

Let's explore some possible experiences associated with 17:
College
Senior License
Greater access to more advanced fake IDs
Older boys--by one year

... Who am I kidding? I've been pretending I'm 21 since I was 14.
17 means a whole year of fun-er and naughtier experiences! And I'll be sure to let you all know if I get arrested or end up in the hospital or anything else out of the ordinary happens--which means I'll be here a lot. My life is anything but ordinary.

Love,

Julia Kathryn!

Julia: A Set

; ) by JuliaKV1031


This is something that I made.

Love,
Julia

Julia: Going Nuts

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long while. I've been incredibly busy with college applications and keeping up in school. I've written my second and winning college essay, answered the four NYU application questions, asked Mrs. Carnahan for a recommendation, and have kept up with my grades. Right now I'm in a hurry to send my NYU application in by November 1st, the early decision deadline. I'm soo positive that NYU is where I need to be next year. I can nearly taste it. When things calm down a bit I'll restart fencing and guitar. Right now everything's just a little bit crazy. My biggest struggle is the essay and questions. I'm having trouble reducing the word count to the limit of 500 or less for the essay (and 500 or less characters per question). It's actually quite Hell-ish for me. You know that I like to be thorough and go on and on and on and on... Oh, I was doing it again, wasn't I?
I also got a new car! Yay. But I don't have much time to celebrate, gotta get back to the apps...
See you soon (hopefully).

Love,
Julia

PS. Did I mention my birthday is at the end of the month. October 31st, Halloween. No wonder I'm such a witch. (It's also the day before my ED deadline; now that is something scary.)

PPS. "Thanks for the candy."

... (butterfinger)