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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Julia: Never-Never Land = Life With Mom at Thirty

Okay... so two days from today (one day, actually, considering it's 12:51 AM), I begin the first day of my senior year. AKA the first day of my last year of high school. AKA the last year of hell. AKA the year before the rest of my life starts. And although I claim high school was hell (and, believe me, it was--is), and although I am eager to leave it, I am also nervous to leave it... I'm nervous to even start the first year of my last year here--the end of which year signals my free fall into the real world. The real world is one that I like to think I know much about but in reality know that I probably understand little of. I'm scared. I'm really scared.

I hate high school but by the same token I don't want to leave the comfort it represents. I know that girls are bitchy, rude, and immature and in knowing this I know what to expect of them and can easily anticipate what will happen next (as well as what will happen next-next). It's okay to me. I don't like it but I get it. I can even somewhat ignore it. It's something similar to symbiosis although I imagine it's not as peaceful and I am certain that it's not voluntary. If I could do without catty teenage drama, I would.

And I have the opportunity. All I have to do is work my ass off now and that is how I get out of here. But what happens when I move on to the bigger and better? What if that just means that the problems are bigger and the people are better at deceiving me? That is not comforting.

But I can handle it. And I'll have to. I have no choice. I'm not Peter Pan. I can't stop myself from growing up... Actually I can. But staying this age doesn't bring me the glamor of never-never land; it just means I'm single, broke, and living with my mother still at thirty.


I'll pass.

So, in conclusion, I have decided to grow up and simply let you all know how things go along the way.


PS. I got my driver's license today (September 2nd, I mean). Go me.

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